here and now

So much inside:

- Last weekend, the concert with good friends, this strange feeling of the holiday season settling over me--maybe it was the cozy warmth of wine and good company, the acoustic music, the cabin atmosphere of the tasting room, the lighting. Maybe it was the full belly of good food, that generous feeling of happiness, the kind that is subtle and sure.

- A long weekend upon us, with small things, like furnace inspections and glass replacement on the agenda.

- And larger things on the agenda: Kristin's wedding, a good friend from high school. There were five of us our freshman year; we would travel together like a pack throughout the hallways, on weekends, at dances. The boys we intermingled with called us "the herd," which one would think might bring offense, but it didn't. We were proud to be so linked. There is a chance this is the first "herd wedding" at which all members of the herd will be present, but it is uncertain. Either way, I do look forward to seeing Kristin take that step.

- And the sad news of the night, the thing that weighs heavy in my heart: my father called to let me know my grandfather is sinking even more rapidly into dementia and Alzheimer's. He was a college professor, one who taught educators before they were shoved out into the world of teaching--knew lots about children's literature and was an avid reader of mysteries. He loved talking about local sports and would take us out on the pontoon boat on the lake where he and my grandmother lived. I am grateful they could make it to my wedding two months ago, that I could honor them with the toss bouquet (instead of throwing that silly thing over my shoulder at restless single friends, I thought I'd give it to the longest married couple in the room). He has a great laugh, deep, friendly, and he used it more and more as he began to get more and more confused. There was an incident today, and all is safe now, but it sounds like my grandmother has some tough decisions to make; this saddens me so deeply. After sixty three years of an incredibly loving marriage (I can only hope mine will be so good for so long!)... anyway, my paternal grandparents are ever present in my thoughts tonight, my heart aching for them, for his rapid decline, for her witness to the decline.