Friday, June 29, 2007

i know, i just missed you

On some levels, in this blog, I am very honest and open, and The Fiance's mother confessed she sometimes feels voyeuristic (I'm not sure if she was referring to my blog specifically or those in my sidebar, but you get the idea), and I know it drives me nutty when folks are cryptic in their blogs about major turmoil. Note that this is not any form of major turmoil--you only need to know that The Fiance did something that made me "sad in the heart" and will manage to get over eventually. It's not something he did that was purposeful in intent, and after explaining to him how it hurt me, we are now working toward moving past it.

Anyway, I've spent the past week in Wisconsin alternately being furious with him and missing him furiously. Perhaps this incident had the best of timing. I came home late last night from Emily's rehearsal dinner (I plan to put up a separate post about that next; for some reason, I like my posts to thematically be separate, so if Em wants to forward those images and words on to her family, the family doesn't have to wade through my moment with The Fiance). We crawled into bed, talking about what happened, me explaining, getting reassurances, telling him why it would make me upset (so I didn't seem so unreasonable--I am irrational too sometimes) and he kept telling me how much he loves me, etc.

And I said to him, "Why do you keep smiling? This is serious. I'm really hurt."

And he said, "I know." And then, "It's just that I love you." And, "I missed you. You're smiling too."

"I know," I said. "I love you and missed you too."

I think it's interesting how we can ache so much and be so furious and feel so betrayed and it's easy to stay mad from a distance, but the minute I drove up to the house late last night and saw the shadow of him beneath the garage lights (and even though this is what I fumed about on the drive home, because Emily had agreed that she would be upset too), my heart leaped up, so thrilled was I to simply see the outline of him, so happy was I to finally sink into his arms.

And he was so sweet and careful of my bum arm. It'll be nice to be cared for over the weekend. All is well in the house of chaos, and today, we will watch one of my favorite people in the world marry the love of her life.


lizardek said...

so glad to hear you two are talking about it and clearing the air! Excellently important ingredient for success in any relationship :)

Stefani said...

I'd like to tell you that this stuff gets easier, but it doesn't. You still step on each other's hearts sometimes, even 10 years down the road. That's a given really, being human and all. The important part is that you still do the listening, the talking, and the making up part 10 years down the road! Sometimes, you just have to give them a little grace because you love them, and know that someday, you'll need it too. Hang in there!